I Never Knew The Meaning
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Parker left Buffy with a nine month backache, now what?
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: I Never Knew The Meaning  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Parker left Buffy with a nine month backache, now what?  
SPOILER: SPECIFICALLY The Harsh Light Of Day, but there are hints on everything thus far on both Buffy and ANGEL  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14   
DISCLAIMER: Everyone but the baby (like I'm gonna give away the name this early on!!) belong to Joss and co. I do get weekly visitation with Xander though, which I so thoroughly enjoy! The songs belong to *NSYNC (do not yell at me - JC & I will hunt you down if you insult my boy bands) and Creed (there's a combo for ya!).   
  
  
  
Buffy paced her dorm room, waiting for Willow to return. For the first time all year, she wished that she was back at home, that she could pace her own room and lie in the bed she'd slept in all her life.   
  
She hugged Mr. Gordo to her chest and bit her lip as she cried. When her sobs grew kind of loud, she went over to the stereo and turned on some music so no one could hear her crying.   
  
Willow came in and slammed, then locked the door. She held up a little plastic bag. "I got it."   
  
"Thank you so much."   
  
She sat on the bed and dumped out the bag. Along with the test was a razor and some gum.   
  
"Just because," Willow said.   
  
"You're the best."   
  
"Well?" Willow asked her.   
  
"Should I do it now?"   
  
"You've been crying for four days Buffy, I would do it now."   
  
The Slayer sighed before standing up. She tucked the test into her backpack and she and Will went into the bathroom.   
  
The Witch pretended to line her eyes while Buffy took the test. She tucked it back inside its plastic bag, put that inside her backpack and opened the stall door.   
  
"Water," Buffy mumbled. She went over to the sink and started splashing cold water on her face.   
  
"You okay, Buffy?"   
  
She nodded and reached for some paper towels. "Five minutes."   
  
Willow programmed her watch and they headed back to their room.   
  
They sat on the edge of Buffy's bed and waited.   
  
When Willow's watch began playing a guitar solo that made her think of Oz, Buffy went and retrieved the test.   
  
She tossed the plastic bag at Willow. "You read it."   
  
"What am I looking for?"   
  
Buffy looked at the instructions. "Two pink lines."   
  
Willow peeked inside the bag. "We could always buy another test, Buffy. This one could be wrong."   
  
She flopped down on the bed. "It's not wrong. I'm pregnant."   
  
Willow laid down beside her friend. "Buffy?" she said quietly.   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"What are you gonna do? I mean, do you know what you're gonna do?"   
  
She sat up and wiped away her tears. "Go see Parker."   
  
Willow sat up and resisted acting like a mother. "Buffy..."   
  
"Sorry Will. I just need to tell him. 'Guess what, you're gonna be a daddy."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy found the king of all assholes in the library, using the same line about his father's death with a pretty Hispanic girl.   
  
"I live for the moment now," he was saying as Buffy approached.   
  
"That's a good one," Buffy said to the girl. "It comes right before the eyes that lure you into bed and then he never speaks to you again. I'm Buffy, by the way. That's Katie," she pointed across the room to a girl glaring at Parker with disgust. "The girl with the braids over there is Erica and I'm sure Melanie the librarian can tell you a thing or two as well. You know, if you have any questions."   
  
The girl stared at Parker for a moment, then the other girls. She turned back to Buffy, who was glaring right back at her. She got up and left. '  
  
"What the fuck was that?" he demanded.   
  
"You're an idiot, you know that? Oh wait, yeah, you do."   
  
"What do you want?"   
  
"To talk. Now."   
  
He was about to walk away so Buffy grabbed him by the arm and threw him down into chair.   
  
"That's better. I have something to tell you."   
  
"If you're looking to screw again....you weren't that good."   
  
Buffy made a mental note never to have sex again. It seemed all she ever heard afterwards was how lousy she was at it.   
  
"Look, it's not about....I'm pregnant."   
  
He shrugged. "So?"   
  
"So? It's your baby."   
  
"I don't know that."   
  
"Well I do. You're the father."   
  
"Look, I don't think I am, but even if I was, do you really think it's going to mean anything to me? It's not like you're the first girl to tell me I knocked her up as an excuse to make me go out with her a second time."   
  
Buffy's restraint was destroyed by then. She punched him with all the Slayer strength she could muster.   
  
Then she picked her bag up off the floor and left.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"You know Buffy," Willow said as they walked around Target looking for decent maternity clothes. "You're gonna have to tell your mother."   
  
"Really?" she asked in a small voice. "I was hoping I could hide the baby once it's born and forget this ever happened."   
  
"What about going home?" she wondered. "School ends next week. Aren't you going to move back home?"   
  
"What are you doing?" she countered.   
  
"My parents are gonna be gone all summer on some sort of study in Canada, so I'll be home alone."   
  
"Can I live with you?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Come on Buff, you know that's not what you want."   
  
"I know, but....maybe it is what I want."   
  
"Buffy..."   
  
"You've met my mom Will. You know what she's going to say."   
  
"Actually, I don't. I know what mine would say."   
  
"What?"   
  
"She'd kick me out."   
  
Buffy laid her head on Willow's shoulder. "Help."   
  
"You'll be fine."   
  
"I hope so. I can't exactly go back home and say, 'Hi Mom, I'm back. And guess what, I'm pregnant'."   
  
"You haven't seen your mom since your birthday, maybe she'll understand."   
  
"Or be furious cause it's been four months?" Buffy rationalized.   
  
"I thought she went on some art trip to France."   
  
"She did, but I could've called her more, I guess."   
  
Willow decided to change the subject, since she wasn't getting anywhere. "When do you find out the baby's sex? Tomorrow?"   
  
She shook her head. "Wednesday. Will you come with me?"   
  
"Of course."   
  
"And I still want you to be my coach. And my baby's Godmother."   
  
"I'm honored, you know that. But don't you think you're going to have to tell your mother? And Giles must wonder why you wear such huge clothes all the time."   
  
"Don't worry about it. I'll do it when I have to." she rubbed her belly. "I can't believe I'm seven months already."   
  
"Neither can I."   
  
"Any name ideas?"   
  
"Well, I still like Dawson James for a boy."   
  
"Of course."   
  
"And for a girl....Kaylie Jordanna."   
  
"That's pretty."   
  
"Thanks." she stopped to look at a dress. "I guess I'll try these three on."   
  
Willow waited while Buffy tried them and chose two out of the three. Her father, ever the idiot, had sent her a credit card without a limit, telling her he would pay the bill for a year. She'd been using it to buy all the things she would need for a baby. She'd gotten everything on the list she'd made except for a crib.   
  
"You know," Willow said when they were checking out, "You should just go visit your mother and talk to her. I'll come for support, if you need it."   
  
"Can't we just get an apartment? I already told you I don't know if I wanna go back to school in the fall or not. An apartment would be so cool."   
  
"I dunno Buffy..."   
  
"Come on, you know your parents will go for it."   
  
Willow sighed. "I'll think about it."   
  
Buffy threw her arms around her right there in the store. "I love you."   
  
"Ditto," Willow told her, smirking.   
  
  
*****   
  
"Is food always this heavy?" Buffy asked.   
  
"You think that's bad? I've got our books."   
  
The girls struggled to get from the parking lot to their dorm. They kept dropping things and giggling like schoolchildren. Willow picked everything up, since Buffy couldn't really bend.   
  
Angel watched them from a distance, sure his eyes were playing tricks on him. Buffy was.....pregnant??   
  
How could she be pregnant?   
  
Sighing, he decided he was gonna find out.   
  
  
*****   
  
"Will, stop that." Buffy said as her friend did a goofy dance up the steps to their dorm. "You're gonna make the pop explode."   
  
Willow didn't answer her. She noticed Angel appear and fixed her eyes on him.   
  
"What?" Buffy asked. When Willow didn't answer, Buffy turned around.   
  
Then she dropped the bags she was holding and fainted.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Willow sat beside Buffy on the bed as Angel brushed her hair out of her eyes and kissed her. "You don't have any smelling salts, do you?"   
  
She shook her head. "Xander left a really smelly sock here last week, but we threw it out."   
  
"Thanks for the info," he said dryly.   
  
"Want me to call her mom?"  
  
"No. Buffy, sweetie," Angel said softly. "Honey, wake up."   
  
She turned her head a little but didn't open her eyes. "No....not here.....just a dream....gotta wake up."   
  
"Buffy," Willow said. Angel shot her a look and she gave him one back that said 'just wait'. "Buffy, get up."   
  
The Slayer opened her eyes. "Hey Will, what happened?"   
  
"You saw Angel and you blacked out."   
  
Buffy turned her head slowly. "Angel?" she whispered.   
  
"I'm here baby."   
  
"Oh, Angel!" she threw her arms around him and he held her while she sobbed. No one noticed when Willow left.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy slept late the next day. Angel was still beside her, gently touching her face. Her window was closed and pulled the shade down.   
  
"Hey," she said softly. "Sorry I just abandoned you like that."   
  
"You were tired."   
  
"The crying is what did it." she sat up. "Not that you didn't deserve it though."   
  
"You're right. I did."   
  
She got out of bed and headed for the door.   
  
"Where are you going?"   
  
"Bathroom," she smirked.   
  
When she returned he'd peeled an orange for her. She ate it and they sat in silence. When she finished, she leaned forward to kiss him.   
  
"Wait," he told her. "We gotta talk."   
  
"About..."   
  
"You know what."   
  
She laid out on the bed and rested her hands on her belly. "I guess you already get that Parker and I slept together."   
  
"When?"   
  
"Right before we found the Gem of Amara. I sent Oz with it--I couldn't see you. I didn't know I was pregnant, it had just happened, but I..."   
  
"Is he marrying you?"   
  
Buffy laughed but it quickly turned to tears. "Marry me? Oh God, Angel, he didn't even believe the baby was his. He wants no part of it."   
  
"Oh Buffy." he held her again, but she stopped crying and just clung to him. She needed him next to her, wanted him to comfort her.   
  
"There were so many nights I dialed your number."   
  
"How did you get it?"   
  
"Cordelia gave Oz a stack of those business cards. They're cute. Who came up with the angel design?"   
  
"You knew what it was?"   
  
"Of course."   
  
"Must be a girl thing," he shrugged.   
  
"I've missed you so much." she whispered. "When are you going back to LA?"   
  
"I'm not."   
  
She sat back up and looked at him. "But--"   
  
"Doyle's got it all under control. Besides, he has these connections."   
  
She looked at him blankly. "Connections?"   
  
"With the Higher Powers. They told him to tell me I was needed here in Sunnydale. At first, I thought it was just he and Cordelia playing Matchmaker, but now I know why."   
  
"Why?" she asked, even though she already knew.   
  
"I'm here to be a father to your baby."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Three weeks passed. Buffy found out she was having a little girl and decided to name her after Willow, since she'd been there for her so much the past few months. She finally reached a point where she couldn't keep the pregnancy to herself anymore, and she went out to tell people all in the same day. When she told Giles she was going to have a baby, he said he already knew. There was a prophecy, and her baby was to be a Slayer.   
  
"No daughter of mine will ever witness the things I've seen," she told him with venom in her voice.   
  
"That's my girl," he said proudly.   
  
After the confession to Giles came telling Joyce. When she saw that Buffy had Angel with her and when she found out there was no way he could be the baby's father, she practically threw Buffy out.   
  
Angel kept apologizing, feeling like it was his fault, but Buffy didn't care. "It's better this way," she told him. "If my mother hadn't interfered before, you never would've left me."   
  
"That's probably true." he admitted. He had told her about Joyce coming to see him, which resulted in Buffy breaking a candleholder and attempting to max out the credit card from her father.   
  
Angel was driving them back to her dorm room. "When's your last final?"   
  
"I'm done. We have to be out of the dorms in two days."   
  
"Move in with me."   
  
"What?"   
  
"At the mansion. There's tons of room, and we can paint the stone walls pale pink, make a nursery, anything you want. Move in with me."   
  
"I need to think about it."   
  
"Okay."   
  
Two minutes passed. "I've given it a ton of thought. I want to."   
  
He smiled at her. "I knew you would say that."   



	2. In All Of The Rush

TITLE: I Never Knew The Meaning  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Parker left Buffy with a nine month backache, now what?  
SPOILER: SPECIFICALLY The Harsh Light Of Day, but there are hints on everything thus far on both Buffy and ANGEL  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14   
DISCLAIMER: Everyone but the baby (like I'm gonna give away the name this early on!!) belong to Joss and co. I do get weekly visitation with Xander though, which I so thoroughly enjoy! The songs belong to *NSYNC (do not yell at me - JC & I will hunt you down if you insult my boy bands) and Creed (there's a combo for ya!).   
  
  
  
"Come on Buffy," Dr. Lincoln said. "Push!"   
  
"I can't," she said in a stressed voice. Buffy had never felt more worn out in her life. She'd been in labor for seven hours and enough was enough. She wanted this baby out of her and she wanted it yesterday. She just didn't wanna have to push anymore to do it."  
  
"I can't, I'm too tired," Buffy insisted.  
  
"You can do it baby," Angel kissed her cheek. "I know you can."   
  
"No," she turned away from him since his eyes were giving her strength she didn't want. "I need sleep now. Give birth later."   
  
"The head is almost out Buffy, you have to push."   
  
She swore at the doctor, which made him snort and Angel smirk. Buffy squeezed the hell out of his hand and pushed.   
  
"The head is out," Dr. Lincoln announced.   
  
"Whose idea was this natural childbirth?" Angel asked. "You're killing my hand."   
  
"You're the one who said it was better for the baby," Buffy said between breaths. "Next time I'm making you give birth." When the doctor laughed at her, she glared at him. "You wouldn't believe what I can do. I have friends who are Witches."   
  
"She's delirious." Angel told him.   
  
Buffy glared at her lover. "Bite me."   
  
"One more push Buffy, come on."   
  
She made herself look at Angel, because she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with a baby's head between her legs. She took a deep breath, dug her nails into his skin, drew blood, and pushed.   
  
"She's out!" he announced as she started to cry. The nurse wrapped her in a blue hospital blanket and handed her to Buffy.   
  
"Would you look at her?" Buffy whispered. "She's so beautiful."   
  
"Just like her mother," Angel said softly. He stared at the little girl. She did look like Buffy, but her hair was dark, like his. Angel stared at her, realizing that she could easily pass for his own daughter.   
  
"She looks like you too," Buffy said. "After all, you are her father."   
"Buffy--"   
  
"Your name is going on the birth certificate, so I hope you have a last name."   
  
"It's Connelly."   
  
"Connelly, I like that."   
  
"I figured you would."   
  
"However, until you and I tie the knot, and no pressure there, I'm not ready to be married yet, but until then, her last name is Summers."   
  
"And what is her first name? Do you still wanna name her after Willow?"   
  
Buffy shook her head. "No. Well, sort of. Willow's middle name is Kathleen, so for our daughter, I picked...."   
  
"Don't keep me in suspense!" he teased.   
  
She laughed. "Her name is Kayra Angeline."   
  
Angel's bottom lip dropped. "Buffy--"   
  
"She's your daughter Angel. We'll just have to name the next one after me. Victoria Summer might be a nice name, don't you think?"   
  
He only smiled at her. "I love you."   
  
"I love you too." she let him lean over their new baby girl to kiss her and then the baby began to cry again, begging to be fed.   
  
"Let me take her," the nurse appeared again. "We're just going to check her out and we'll bring her right back."   
  
Buffy laid down and sighed. "I can't believe she's here."   
  
"Me neither. You're amazing, you know that?"   
  
She smiled. "I've been told that a couple of times in the past."   
  
"It's true."   
  
"Angel?"   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"I don't want to pressure you with Kayra, I mean, if you don't want to be her father, it's okay, but I--"   
  
"Buffy, there is nothing I want more on this Earth than to be your....husband, eventually, and her father."   
  
She yawned.   
  
"That boring, huh?" he looked a tad hurt.   
  
"No, I'm just exhausted."   
  
"I should let you rest."   
  
"Do me one favor before you leave."   
  
"Anything."   
  
"Kiss me again."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Angel fell asleep in a hospital chair, but when he woke up, Kayra was crying. Buffy was still resting so he picked her up and held her close, kissing her and touching her little fingers.   
  
"Hey sweetheart," he whispered. "Daddy's here and I'm going to take care of you, but I don't want you to wake your Mommy, k? She's had a rough time of it and she needs her rest."   
  
Buffy rolled over and yawned. "No, it's all right, she's probably just hungry."   
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
She sat up and readjusted the pillows behind her shoulders. "Yeah, I'll feed her."   
  
Angel stood up and gently handed her the baby. "Buffy, can I ask you something?"   
  
She opened her nightgown and began nursing. "Sure. What?"   
  
"Have you had any strange dreams lately?"   
  
"No dreams at all, why?"   
  
He sighed and looked away.   
  
"Angel?" she sounded a bit worried.   
  
"It's nothing bad. It's just....I've been seeing my mother. She keeps telling me this is where I belong."   
  
"She's right," Buffy said softly.   
  
"I called Doyle yesterday, we had a long conversation. He reminded me that I came to Los Angeles seeking redemption. We think this is it."   
  
"How could it ever be anything else?" she asked. "You belong with me, with us."   
  
"I wanna stay forever," he said. "If you'll have me?"   
  
"I can't believe you have to ask." she said as tears escaped her eyes. He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss before they both concentrated their attention on their newborn daughter.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy was so tired from giving birth that the doctors insisted she and Kayra stay in the hospital an extra night. Buffy sent Angel home to rest and was sitting in bed, writing in her journal while Kayra slept when the phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" she answered, surprised that anyone would be calling. All her friends had been by to see the baby that evening.  
  
"Hello, Buffy, how are you?"  
"I'm fine, Giles. Is something wrong?"  
  
"I was just wondering if you'd spoken to your mother."  
  
"No. I haven't."  
  
"Don't you suppose you should call her? Let her know how you feel?"  
  
"How do I feel, Giles?" Buffy asked. "Since you're such an expert, perhaps you should tell her."  
  
"Buffy, all I'm suggesting is that you call your mother and tell her that you had the baby yesterday."  
  
Buffy sighed. "All right, Giles, I'll call her."  
  
"Thank you," he smiled.  
  
"You sound quite proud of yourself," Buffy said.  
  
"I do not."  
  
Buffy laughed. "You are a riot, Giles. 'Night."  
  
"Good night, Buffy."  
  
Sighing, Buffy pushed the disconnect button down She dialed the number to her mother's house and bit her lip, waiting.  
  
"Hello?" Joyce answered on the third ring.  
  
"Hi, Mom," Buffy said quickly. "How are you?"  
"Buffy." Joyce didn't sound happy. "Hello."  
  
"Hi. Um, I just wanted to call and tell you....well, you're a grandmother."  
  
There was silence on the other end of the phone line.  
  
"I had a baby girl yesterday morning. Her name is Kayra Angeline. I just thought you'd wanna know."  
  
"Kayra?" Joyce asked. "Where'd you get a name like that?"  
  
"After Willow's middle name, Katherine. Mom, I'm not leaving until tomorrow afternoon if you wanna come and see us."  
  
"I don't think so, Buffy. Thank you for calling."  
  
The dial tone rang in Buffy's ear for five minutes before she remembered to hang up the phone. She slammed it down and woke Kayra.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, baby," Buffy said, getting out of bed to pick up her daughter before the nurse showed up. "I didn't mean to wake you."  
  
Kayra kept on crying though, so Buffy fed her and changed her diaper. She got back into bed and fell asleep with the baby in her arms. She didn't wake up until hours later when Kayra woke her up, hungry again.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
Buffy and Angel had spent the weeks leading up to their baby's birth changing the mansion into a home, and when Giles, Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordelia and Doyle came to the house for the baby's homecoming, no one recognized the place.   
  
"No whips?" Xander asked. "What about the chains? Kinda surprised Buff wanted to ax all that stuff."   
  
"It's in our room." she told him.   
  
"Buffy!" Angel hissed. "Let's keep some things between the two of us."   
  
"If he thought they were of no use to us, he'd ask for them!" Buffy exclaimed. "And I'm not sharing."  
  
"We shouldn't discuss that kind of thing with our friends." Angel looked quite uncomfortable.   
  
"Xander's not a friend," Buffy teased.   
  
"She's right, I'm family," Xander said as Buffy handed Kayra to him. "I'm Xander, your ultra fun friend who buys you toys and sneaks you candy."   
  
Buffy glanced at the large box Xander had brought. "What *did* you buy?"   
  
"A Cabbage Patch Kid with hair that changes color when you get it wet."   
  
Buffy leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're the best Xan."   
  
"Buffy, I have to say, this place looks amazing." Giles said. "And you've got quite a nice little turnout here."   
  
Buffy looked at her friends talking, eating, passing around pictures taken of Kayra in the hospital. "Yeah, but someone's missing."   
  
"Have you tried talking to your mother?" Giles asked.   
  
"I called her yesterday from the hospital, but she wasn't really all that concerned. She asked where I got the baby's name from and hung up. I'll bet she gets the number changed now."   
  
"Oh Buffy, I am sorry."   
  
"Me too," she wiped tears from her eyes. Then she noticed Angel and Xander *talking* as Angel bottle fed the baby. "Look," she pointed. "I guess you take the good with the bad."   
  
Giles nodded. "I guess so."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The first few days that Kayra was home, Buffy was exhausted. The baby never slept so Angel agreed to stay up and take care of her. Buffy was almost a bit jealous of how good he was with her, but she forgot all that while breast feeding the baby. She'd been worried that Kayra didn't even need her anymore, but the breast pump was broken so she was up every three hours with the baby to feed her. Angel caught her yawning while they were grocery shopping that night and bought her a new breast pump so she wouldn't be so worn out during the day.   
  
"I'll just handle the feedings while you sleep," he promised.   
  
Buffy smiled at him. "I love you."   
  
"I love..." he looked down at her hand, which was on his leg. She was wearing her Claddagh. "I thought you took this off ages ago."   
  
"I did. I knew something had been missing from my life until that point."   
  
He touched her finger and the ring, remembering when he gave it to her, and what it really stood for.   
  
"Angel," she whispered. "I was thinking--"   
  
Kayra picked this moment to cry, disturbing their conversation.   
  
"I'll go," Angel stood up. "You get some rest."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
As Buffy always knew he would be, Angel was an extremely thoughtful father, staying up all hours with the baby to let her sleep and doing all the shopping so that she wouldn't have to. One morning she woke up to find him on the living room couch with the baby in his arms. He was snoring, but she was wide awake, pulling on one of his shirt buttons.   
  
The next day, Buffy stumbled out of bed to use the bathroom at three a.m. She entered the bathroom, not bothering to turn the big light on since they had several night lights. It took her a minute to realize that Angel was in there, giving Kayra a bath in the sink.   
  
"What are you doing up?" he asked her.   
  
"What are you doing? It's three a.m."   
  
"Well, neither of us could sleep, so I figured I'd do this now and you wouldn't have to in the morning." Kayra began to smile and kicked furiously in the water.   
  
"She certainly is full of energy." Buffy said.   
  
"She's adorable. Do you think the water is too cold?"   
  
Buffy stuck a finger in it. "No, it seems all right. Your shirt's all wet."   
  
"That's okay."   
  
"Want me to bring you another one?"   
  
He ran the washcloth gently down one of Kayra's arms. "No, I'm fine."   
  
Buffy stayed in the doorway for a moment, watching him take such tender care of their daughter. She smiled at them and then went back to bed.   
  
*****   
  
At the end of August, Buffy and Angel had Kayra Christened in a small chapel on the outskirts of town. They did it at night, telling the Priest that Angel was allergic to sunlight and it would be easier for him to attend this way. Giles and Willow were the baby's Godparents, and Buffy took pictures, intent on sending one to her mother, though she could never make herself drop it in the mailbox.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
In September, on Willow's birthday, Angel proposed to Buffy with a new Claddagh that had a diamond in it. She accepted, regardless of the curse, and they set an April 29th, 2000 wedding date.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Can you believe it's here?" Buffy asked. "Kayra's first Christmas."   
  
Angel was on a ladder, putting a Barbie doll that was also an angel and a tree topper on the highest branch. "Does that look straight?" he asked.   
  
"Yeah, it's great." Buffy took her new camera out of its case and took a few pictures of him as he got down off the ladder. Angel had given it to her when Kayra was born and she used it almost daily. "Do you believe this? I'm having my first Christmas as a mother."   
  
"Pretty amazing," he went over to a brown paper bag and pulled out a small box. "I got this while I was out."   
  
"What is it?" she asked, taking it from him. It was a bit heavier than she'd expected.   
  
"Open it."   
  
She did and she found a beautiful crystal ornament of an Angel. She held a book with Kayra's name and birth date on it.   
  
"It's beautiful, Angel. I love it. Thank you."   
  
"I knew that you would. And just think, when Kayra gets a bit older she can pick her own ornaments out."   
  
"I'm sure she'll like that."   
  
"Buffy?"   
  
"Hmmm?"   
  
"Are you sure about the wedding? I mean, I know you already bought a dress and all, but the making love thing..."   
  
"Angel, none of that matters to me. Don't you see? All I want is to be with you."   
  
He held her close, resting his chin on her head, wishing he could change it for her.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"What's all this?" Angel asked as he came inside, freezing. It was the uncommon cloudy December day, and he'd gone out in the late afternoon to "burn off energy". Buffy knew he'd really been on patrol so that she wouldn't have to go later on. She appreciated it, because that meant she could work on her baking. After all, Christmas was just two days away.   
  
"These are peppermint rolls. Mashed up candy canes inside white chocolate."   
  
He reached to try one and she let him, simply to get feedback.   
  
"Mmm," he said after eating the whole thing in one bite. "I like these. How many do we have?"   
  
"Not enough, so stay out." she laughed. "There are some burnt Snickerdoodles on the table though."   
  
He looked over and saw two racks full. "Some?"   
  
"I was busy with Kayra." she lied.   
  
"Uh-huh." he sat down and began eating them, discovering they were good burnt. "Have you been in the living room lately?"   
  
"Of course, that's where I fed Kayra."   
  
"No, I mean, in the last fifteen or so minutes. Like right before I got home."   
  
She looked at him strangely. "No, why?"   
  
He ate another cookie. "I think you should go in there. Whenever you get a chance," he added.  
  
Buffy knew he was up to something, but she didn't let on that she was suspicious. She took off her apron and went into the living room. Her mouth formed a perfect O as she studied the room.  
  
The fireplace had been covered in lights and electric candles. In the center were three Barbie stocking holders, each holding a stocking with their name. Kayra's had a picture of a Precious Moments Angel on it.   
  
"Oh, Angel," she said from the living room. He came up behind her and put his arms around her.   
  
"Do you like them?"   
  
"They're perfect. You think of everything."   
  
"I want you to be happy."   
  
"I don't need anything to be happy as long as I have you and Kayra, you know that."   
  
"Even so. You should've seen your face when you first saw the fireplace."   
  
"I love you."   
  
"I--" he was cut off by the phone ringing. "Love you and will get that." He walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone, smirking when he noticed Buffy had hung mistletoe in the doorways. "Hello?"   
  
"Hello," a stiff voice said. "Could I speak with my daughter?"   
  
"Mrs. Summers, of course. Just a moment." Angel put the phone to his shoulder. "Honey, it's your mom."   
  
She shot him a curious look before taking the phone from him. "Hi, Mom!"   
  
"Hello." her voice was still cold. "I'm just calling to tell you I can't make it for Christmas Buffy."   
  
"What? Why?"   
  
"I just have a lot going on, that's all."   
  
"But, Mom..." Buffy felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "It's *Christmas*. I mean, we're supposed to be together."   
  
"I can't, I'm sorry." Joyce hung up and Buffy sunk back against the wall, glad that Angel had gone up to see the baby. She wanted to cry in peace for awhile.   



	3. I Was Missing So Much

TITLE: I Never Knew The Meaning  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Parker left Buffy with a nine month backache, now what?  
SPOILER: SPECIFICALLY The Harsh Light Of Day, but there are hints on everything thus far on both Buffy and ANGEL  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14   
DISCLAIMER: Everyone but the baby (like I'm gonna give away the name this early on!!) belong to Joss and co. I do get weekly visitation with Xander though, which I so thoroughly enjoy! The songs belong to *NSYNC (do not yell at me - JC & I will hunt you down if you insult my boy bands) and Creed (there's a combo for ya!).   
  
  
  
"Did you have a good time?" Buffy asked as she took Kayra out of her car seat. It was the next night and they were just getting home from spending a night of Hanukkah at Willow's house.   
  
"Yes, I'm finding all holidays have nice traditions to them."   
  
Buffy laughed. "Strip dreidle is nice, huh?"   
  
"I'm not sure it's traditional with the 'strip' part but since you mention it..."   
  
"Oh come on. Seeing Xander Full Monty was not something I want to remember." she took the coat off of a sleeping Kayra. "You coming to bed?"   
  
"In a second, I just wanna check the messages."   
  
"'K."   
  
Buffy went upstairs and Angel went into the kitchen, opening the fridge and going through the ritual of drinking his blood while he listened.   
  
Two messages were from Cordelia, querying about what to wear on Christmas Day, one was a store telling Buffy an ornament she ordered was in. The last was Giles. He mumbled, but Angel was able to make out that he was excusing himself from Christmas dinner for "Council Business". Angel had a thought that the "Council" was probably an attractive woman who just happened to be mother to his favorite Slayer, but he didn't dare let on his suspicions to Buffy.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The next day, while Angel was asleep, Buffy scribbled a note to Angel, bundled Kayra up and left the mansion.  
  
She drove the van he'd bought her down Revello Drive to her mother's house, then she sat in the driveway for an hour before deciding whether or not to go in. Kayra stirred in her sleep, and Buffy decided it was now or never. She unhooked Kayra's carrier and headed for the front porch.  
  
Buffy paused each time she went to knock. Finally, on the fourth try, she kicked the door rather than knocking on it, and waited.  
  
When Joyce finally opened the door, Buffy stared her down.  
  
"You can disown me," Buffy began, "And you can ignore my phone calls and everything else. But you cannot and will not pretend that my daughter is not your reletive. And when she's old enough, she's going to come visit you. She'll adore her cool Grandma Joyce and she'll want you to play Barbies with her and have tea parties.  
  
"She's going to want you in her life, Mom," Buffy finished, "Even if you don't want her in yours."  
  
Before Joyce could say anything, Buffy turned on her heel and went back to the van. She sped out of the driveway before Joyce could even react.  
  
She didn't feel like going home yet, and she didn't wanna lie to Angel about having gone Christmas shopping, so she went to Bloomingdale's and bought him a brand new pair of silk pajamas and matching slippers, even though she wasn't sure he wore them. She also ducked into Barnes and Noble and bought him an art book that looked interesting before heading for home.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Hey," Angel said when he came downstairs from his nap and found Buffy cooking in the kitchen. Kayra was in her bouncy chair on the table, gurgling away.  
  
"Hey," she kissed him deeply. "Sleep well?"  
  
"It was all right. How was shopping?"  
  
Buffy stiffened for a minute, then said, "It was okay. I didn't buy that much."  
  
"Did your mom see Kayra?"  
  
Buffy spun around and looked at him. "How did you know?"  
  
"I know you."  
  
"Angel, it was awful," Buffy hugged him tightly, trying not to let herself cry anymore tears over her mother's ridiculous behavior. "I didn't even give her a chance to speak to me or to see Kayra, I just left."  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy."  
  
"Me too. Angel?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You'd better move away from the stove."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because your sleeve is on fire!"  
  
Angel beat the fire out in seconds and shrugged at Buffy. "No harm done," he admired the large hole scorched into his shirt. "I'll just wear this when I repaint the basement next week."  
  
Buffy couldn't help laughing. "You're a nut, you know that?"  
  
"Me?" Angel asked. "Never."  
  
"Eh Deh," Kayra announced.  
  
"Did she just speak?" Angel asked.  
  
Buffy nodded. "I think she did."  
  
"Kayra," Angel rushed to her side. "Honey, say something again for Daddy. Say anything."  
  
Kayra only grinned at her father before starting to fuss.  
  
"I think she's ready for a nap," Buffy said. "I'll put her down."  
  
"Wait, wait, she might speak again," Angel said eagerly.  
  
"Not tonight," Buffy said. "Say 'Good night, Daddy'."  
  
"Eh Deh," Kayra repeated.  
  
Angel gave Buffy a smug look. "You were saying?"  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy and Angel spent a quiet Christmas Eve together at home. They each opened one small gift, Angel getting new boxer shorts, and Buffy getting a Christmas CD of her favorite pop group, *NSYNC. She put it in and they began dancing.   
  
  
//Lookin' back on childhood days  
  
I can't believe all my foolish ways  
  
I thought Christmas only came from a store   
  
Had to know what was there for me  
  
Underneath the Christmas tree  
  
Didn't know that there could be so much more   
  
But in all of the rush  
  
I was missin' so much  
  
Girl you made me finally see   
  
  
That I never knew the meaning of Christmas  
  
'Till you came into my life  
  
I was lost in the dark  
  
'Till you opened my heart  
  
Like an Angel shining bright  
  
I wished on a star  
  
And girl, here you are  
  
Suddenly I realize   
  
That I never knew the meaning of Christmas   
  
'Till I looked into your eyes  
  
  
Comin' home for the holidays   
  
Seein' friends from around the way  
  
There was always something missing for me   
  
On a sleigh ride caroling  
  
Doesn't really mean   
  
Without that someone who can make it complete  
  
  
All the snow falling down   
  
There was joy all around  
  
Girl your love has shown me the way  
  
  
That I never knew the meaning of Christmas  
  
'Till I looked into your eyes\\  
  
  
The couple pulled apart and shared a sweet kiss before blowing out the candles and going up to bed  
  
  
*****  
  
  
At five months, Kayra was already extremely interested in Christmas. She played with the wrapping paper and kicked her feet along with the music her parents played. Angel bought her a cloth doll of a ballet dancer, something he said that he wished for her to study, and she held onto it all day.   
  
  
//We've been waiting all year for this night   
  
And the snow is glistening on the trees outside   
  
All the stockings are hung by the fireside  
  
Waiting for Santa to arrive\\  
  
  
"Oooh, someone likes *NSYNC," Xander said dryly when Angel let him into the house and they heard the music flowing through the speakers.   
  
"Christmas gift," Buffy explained.   
  
"Angel, how could you?" Xander asked as he began unloading presents. "We're men, we're supposed to stick together against these hotties that our honeys are so nuts over."  
  
"Did he just speak English?" Angel asked.  
  
Buffy laughed. "Forget it Xand. Angel supports my habits, no matter how quirky."  
  
"You're not quirky." Angel said.  
  
"I think I'm kinda quirky," Willow said as she took her jacket off. When her eyes met Xander's, she said, "I like the music."  
  
  
//And all the love will show  
  
'Cause everybody knows  
  
It's Christmastime and  
  
All the kids will see the gifts under the tree  
  
It's the best time of the year for the family\\  
  
  
Doyle and Cordelia arrived without remarking about the music, and Buffy ushered everyone into the dining room to eat, the pop music still playing.  
  
  
//It's a wonderful feeling  
  
Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling  
  
It's that time of year  
  
Christmastime is hear  
  
And with a blessing from above  
  
God sends you his love  
  
And everything's okay  
  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays\\  
  
  
"Presents now?" Xander asked eagerly when Buffy and Willow were clearing the plates  
  
"You have to forgive him," Willow said to the others. "He's a four year old trapped in a man's body  
  
He smiled. "You think I have a man's body  
  
"Oh yeah."   
  
"Could we not gross each other out today, please?" Buffy asked.  
  
"That was a big dinner, I don't wanna lose it." Cordy added.  
  
  
//Bells are ringing  
  
It's time to scream and shout  
  
And everybody's playing 'cause school's out  
  
Celebrating the special times we share  
  
Happiness 'cause love is in the air\\  
  
  
They finished their dessert and finally, Xander got to open his gifts. He beamed when he opened a tee shirt that read "I'm not as think as you drunk I am" in blurred lettering  
  
"The kids'll love this!" he said, referring to the children at the youth center he worked at  
  
  
//And all the love will show  
  
'Cause everybody knows  
  
It's Christmastime and   
  
All the kids will see the gifts under the tree   
  
It's the best time of the year for the family\\  
  
  
All the other gifts were either CDs or gift certificates except for Doyle's ring for Cordelia. He asked her to be engaged to be engaged to be engaged. She accepted, and everyone toasted their almost-impending nuptials.   
  
  
//Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays\\  
  
  
*****   
  
  
The baby grew up faster than Buffy ever would've imagined. She began talking for real at six and a half months, saying "Ma-ma" and "Da-da" and "No!" with the force of a teenager.   
  
"She's your daughter," Angel once said while Buffy was trying to give her a bath. Not only was she into splashing now, she liked to cross her arms over her chest to make bathing her difficult and she also liked grabbing at the washcloth.   
  
"Yours too," Buffy replied. "If she broods, it's on your ass."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
In March, Joyce's art gallery was having a special brunch to honor a young impressionist whose work they were exhibiting. Buffy had wrangled an invitation thanks to Cordelia and took Kayra with her to the luncheon.  
  
It was like all the other events Buffy had attended at her mother's gallery. People everywhere, lukewarm food, frumpy suits and drunk business men. Buffy wondered how it was someone could get drunk in the afternoon, but these men always managed to pull it off.  
  
When the brunch was nearly over and most of the guests were gone, Buffy saw her mother duck into her office. She used this as her one change, picked Kayra up and carried her into the office.  
  
"Darcy, I thought I told you to...." Joyce stopped talking when she saw Buffy.  
  
"Your granddaughter is eight months old," Buffy said firmly. "And you've never even seen her. I've written to you and called you and tried talking to you but you won't give me an inch. We're your *family*, Mom. I've never had a lot of family and I don't wanna see the few members that I do have scattered all over the place. I want you to be a part of our lives. And I want you to be at our wedding."  
  
"Wedding?" Joyce asked. "What wedding?"  
  
Buffy showed off her finger. "We're getting married at the end of April, Mom. But I know you already knew that because we sent you an invitation you must've gotten. All I want is for you to be there. Please be there. For me and for Kayra."  
  
"I don't know, Buffy. I'll really have to think about it."  
  
"But you will think about it?" she asked hopefully.  
  
"Of course I will. If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my guests."  
  
"Don't you even wanna hold her?" Buffy asked hopefully.  
  
"I have things to do," Joyce pushed past her daughter and again, Buffy was left alone, hurting, because of her mother.  
  
"This is the last time she does this to me," Buffy promised herself and Kayra as they walked out to the van to go home. "I don't care if she doesn't show up at the wedding, I really don't."  
  
  
*****  
  
  
"She's my mom, Will!" Buffy cried. "It's my wedding day. I want her there."  
  
It was an hour later, and Buffy was having coffee with Willow at the university. Willow had just twenty minutes until her next class, so Buffy promised to make this brief.  
  
"I wish she could just get over everything," Buffy said miserably. "She's an adult, can't she act like one?"  
  
"Look at my mom and the magick," Willow said. "She's not accepting, either."  
  
"But she still didn't refuse to see your grandchild. And you're not marrying your Wiccan priestess, Will. I'm marrying Angel, and I just know my mom won't come."  
  
"But you'll be happy anyway, right?" Willow asked.  
  
Buffy nodded. She knew she would. She'd be happy marrying Angel in a dark cave with bats as the only witnesses.  
  
But since they were getting married in the evening, at a chapel, she wanted her mother there. And the idea of getting married without her there made Buffy ache inside.  
  
"I'm not gonna cry anymore," Buffy said, drying her eyes with a napkin. "This is the last time. I am through with the tears."  
  
"Are you?" Willow asked.  
  
"You're late for class," Buffy told her, avoiding the obvious.  
  
"Yeah, but I don't wanna leave you if you're not okay."  
  
"Go," Buffy stood up. "I gotta get Sleeping Beauty here home for her nap."  
  
"NO!" Kayra shouted as loud as she possibly could.  
  
"See what I mean?" Buffy laughed. "Bye."  
  
  
*****  
  
  
"I made a decision," Buffy told Angel that night at dinner.  
  
"What decision did you make?"  
  
"I've decided that if my mother doesn't come to our wedding, that's it. All ties are cut. No strings attached. I'm not having anything else to do with her."  
  
"Are you sure about this, Buffy?" Angel asked. "Cutting ties with your parents....it's very hard to do."  
  
"I'm not the one doing it," Buffy reminded him. "Now. No more depressing talk. How's the soup?"  
  
"It's good," Angel took another bite and stared at his fiancee. He didn't really think she was okay with this whole Joyce thing, but he knew he couldn't do anything about it, either.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
April 29th was the one day all month that it didn't rain.  
  
The sun shone all afternoon, and in the early evening, Elizabeth Anne Summers married Angel Michael Connelly in Sunnydale's smallest, most romantic chapel.  
  
The wedding went off without a hitch, just as Buffy had wanted it to. Her dress was perfect, the flowers were beautiful, and her friends seemed to have the time of their lives.  
  
The only problem was that her mother had made an excuse - via email no less - about why she couldn't attend. She said she had an art conference in Boston but Cordelia saw her at the mall the day before. She'd told Buffy in hopes that Joyce was there buying an outfit for the ceremony, but she never showed up.   
  
Willow and Cordy stood up for Buffy as her Maids of Honor, and Xander was Angel's best man. Giles walked Buffy down the aisle as a single violinist from Oz's music appreciation class played the wedding march.   
  
When the minister pronounced them husband and wife, Angel lifted the small veil off of Buffy's face and they kissed like they'd never kissed before.   
  
"I meant every word," Angel said. "Forever."   
  
Buffy spent the night dancing with her husband, knowing she would never be alone again. 


	4. Your Love Has Shown Me The Way

TITLE: I Never Knew The Meaning  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Parker left Buffy with a nine month backache, now what?  
SPOILER: SPECIFICALLY The Harsh Light Of Day, but there are hints on everything thus far on both Buffy and ANGEL  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14   
DISCLAIMER: Everyone but the baby (like I'm gonna give away the name this early on!!) belong to Joss and co. I do get weekly visitation with Xander though, which I so thoroughly enjoy! The songs belong to *NSYNC (do not yell at me - JC & I will hunt you down if you insult my boy bands) and Creed (there's a combo for ya!).   
  
  
  
A week and a half before Kayra's first birthday, Joyce threw a Fourth of July barbecue and invited Buffy and the baby. She purposely planned something during the day so that Angel couldn't attend. Buffy didn't want to go - she hadn't spoken to her mother since that brunch in March and had vowed never to speak to her again, but Angel prodded her to go anyway.   
  
"If you're miserable, you can always come home," he told her. "I don't want you to be sorry later. She's your mother, Buffy, and she's the only grandparent Kayra has. You should be close, despite your differences."   
  
For Angel, and for Kayra, Buffy went. Everyone doted on Kayra as though they'd never seen a baby before. Even Giles, who saw her frequently, made a big fuss over her and sat her on his lap, talking to her gently.   
  
"Buffy," Willow nudged her at one point.   
  
Buffy pointed to Giles and Kayra. "Would you look at that?"   
  
"He adores her. Can I talk to you inside for a sec?"   
  
"Why?"   
  
"It's about the curse."   
  
Buffy set her plate down immediately and they went inside.   
  
Willow closed the door and locked it, then she checked the kitchen windows.   
  
"Willow!" Buffy laughed.   
  
"If anyone hears this, I could be in big trouble but.....I think I know how to stop the curse. Or reverse it. Or destroy it."   
  
"Which one?" Buffy demanded.   
  
"That's just it. I'm not quite sure. I really need Giles to help with a bit of the translation."   
  
"You can't ask him Will."   
  
"I know, I just--"   
  
"Have to wing it?" Buffy asked hopefully.   
  
"Give me a few more days, all right? I'll see what I can dig up. I just wanted you to know I was trying."   
  
Buffy hugged her best friend. "Thanks Will. You're the best."   
  
"So are you. And we've missed you on the Slaying front, by the way."   
  
Buffy blushed. Giles, Xander, Willow and Oz had pretty much taken over the Slaying in entirety since Kayra was born. They didn't seem to mind all that much, and Xander even seemed to like it.   
  
"If it keeps me from dealing with Anya," he once said, "Then I'll do it forever."  
  
"Buffy," Willow said, bringing her back from memories of the past. "Just remember....I'm only trying. It's not for sure."   
  
"I know. And thanks."   
  
"You already said that."   
  
"If it works, I owe you way more than that."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Da-da!" Kayra exclaimed when Buffy carried her into the house later that night.   
  
He flew to her and picked her up. "How's my girl? Did you have a good time with your Grandma Joyce?"   
  
"No," she said simply.   
  
He turned to Buffy. "How'd it go?"   
  
"Awkward. I think my mother and Giles are seeing each other. Majorly strange."   
  
He bounced the baby in the air a few times, smiling as she giggled. "Why is that strange?"   
  
"Hello! It's my *mother* Angel! And Giles! Together. God, what if they're gonna have sex? What if they've already had sex?"   
  
"Buffy, this may be hard for you to believe, but most, almost all couples, have sex."   
  
"We don't," she pointed out.  
  
"We are not most couples," Angel retorted.  
  
She smiled at him. "That all could change."   
  
"Da-da!" Kayra tugged on Angel's shirt collar to get his attention and then pointed to the floor where a Minnie Mouse puzzle with huge pieces they'd been working on that morning still sat.   
  
"There you go baby," he set her down and stood back up to talk to Buffy.   
  
"No! Da-da!" she insisted.   
  
Angel sat down to play with her, listening intently as Buffy repeated all that Willow had told her.   
  
"Buffy, don't get your hopes up, all right?" he asked. "I don't wanna be responsible for hurting you again."   
  
"You wouldn't be hurting me Angel." she said. "And I promise I won't." It was a lie though, she was counting on the spell working. In fact, she was already crossing her fingers for good luck.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"What language is that?" Xander whispered. It was the end of July, the new moon, and everyone 'cept for Oz was at the mansion in the living room. They were sitting in a circle, holding hands, and Willow and Amy were chanting.   
  
"Latin," Buffy said firmly. "Shut up."   
  
Xander made a face but kept his mouth shut.   
  
Willow said several things no one could make out, and a red light filled the room. It turned white and Buffy saw her entire past with Angel flash before her. It disappeared and she and Angel were sitting next to each other. Before, Anya had been between them. She and Xander were now on the floor, making out and groping.    
  
"Well?" she asked the Witches.   
  
"There's only one way to find out," Amy said. "We'll be at the dorms. Page us if you need us."   
  
"Good night," Giles said as he hurried out. Willow and Amy kicked the new lovers formerly known as Xander and Anya a few times and they stood up and separated long enough to go through the door before they were all over each other again.   
  
"Angel?" Buffy whispered.   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Make love to me?"   
  
He would never refuse her anything she asked, so, scared as he was, he carried her to their bedroom and laid her down on the bed.   
  
"I love you," she told him. "No matter what happens, I love you."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The next morning, Buffy woke up to find Angel sitting beside her with Kayra in his arms. She was drinking juice from a bottle and smiling around it at her mom.   
  
"Angel?" Buffy whispered, just to be sure.   
  
"Everything's fine sweetheart." he said, beaming. "I owe Willow the world."   
  
Buffy wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind and kissed his head. "Let's just buy her a fancy robe or something instead."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Wanna go shopping?" Buffy asked Angel when he came downstairs around four-thirty the following Saturday afternoon. "I need to get a few things."   
  
He growled as he poured himself a glass of lemonade. "Need or want?"   
  
"Want," she giggled. "Wanna go anyway?"   
  
"Lemme just wake up first."   
  
"'K. I'm gonna go see if the baby's awake from her nap yet."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy wound up going with Willow instead of Angel. He liked the idea of spending the day reading quietly, something he'd hardly had the chance to do since Kayra was born. Buffy gave him a kiss when he gave her his Gold Card and the trio of girls left.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"What do you need to get?" Willow asked as they pulled into the mall parking lot.   
  
"Angel needs new shoes, I need some bath towels, and I wanna look for some new books for the baby and some lipsticks."   
  
They took their time gathering their purchases, trying things on and putting some things on hold or in layaway. Kayra was good the entire time except for when they tried to find her new tennis shoes. She cried and kicked her feet so the salesman wouldn't want to try the shoes on her. Willow finally had to hold her while Buffy tried the shoes on her feet. They picked out a lavender pair and decided it was time for lunch.   
  
"Food court?" Willow asked.   
  
"Fine by me. All I want are French fries and an ice cream from Baskin Robbins."   
  
"That's not a very good nutritional plan to be teaching the baby," Willow teased as Buffy parked the stroller at a booth and plopped her bags down.   
  
"She can't eat any of this stuff, so it doesn't matter." she took a bottle of grapefruit juice mixed with water out of the diaper bag and handed it to the baby, who accepted it eagerly. Then she handed Willow a five dollar bill. "I'll stay with the bags, k?"   
  
"No problem, and lunch is on me this time. It's the least I can do after you and Angel got me that beautiful ritual robe."   
  
"You're the best, Will."   
  
"What are friends for?" she asked as she approached the long lines.   
  
Buffy watched the baby drink her food and started looking through her bags for her receipts so she could keep them all together. She was so busy she didn't notice the guy staring a them from the line at Sbarro's. She didn't notice him punching his fist through a plastic tray, or the way he stormed off after recognizing them.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The next day, Buffy took Kayra to the park. She came home just as Angel was waking up and they made an early dinner of quesidillas together before settling on the floor with the baby. Angel was holding her hands as she stood on her own little feet when the doorbell rang.   
  
"It's probably Will," Buffy said. "She said she'd stop by with that dress she found of hers. I'm sure it'll be adorable on Kayra."   
  
"I'm sure," he agreed.   
  
Buffy answered the door with a smile on her face 'till she saw who it was. "Parker, what the Hell are you doing here?" she demanded.   
  
"Buffy?" Angel called.   
  
She moved past the door and slammed it shut so Angel wouldn't hear their conversation. "What are you doing here?" she repeated.   
  
"I came to get my daughter."   
  
"How did you know where I live?" she yelled.   
  
"I followed you and that brain home from the mall last night. I had a date though, so I couldn't come over then."   
  
"Was she as special as me?" Buffy cracked. "Did you guys have fun?"   
  
"Where's my daughter?" he asked.   
  
She folded her arms across her chest. "You don't have a daughter."   
  
"I saw her at the mall Buffy. She looks just like me."   
  
"I don't know what you could be talking about."   
  
"Buffy?" Angel came out carrying the baby, holding her bottle in her mouth for her. "Is everything okay?" He noticed Parker and dropped the bottle out of her mouth, causing Kayra to whine.   
  
"Da-da," she moaned.   
  
"Who the Hell are you?" Parker demanded of him.   
  
"I think I should be the one asking the questions, seeing as this is my property you're on." Angel replied evenly.   
  
"I'm Parker. The baby's father."   
  
"*I'm* her father." Angel said.   
  
"No way. Buffy came to see me, she told me."   
  
"Oh, right that," she acted nonchalant. "You were just the sperm donor," she put an arm through Angel's. "We had this whole thing planned."   
  
"I knew this was all premeditated, I knew it!" He glared at Buffy. "You could go to jail for that."   
  
"And you could die for treating my wife like that." Angel said firmly. Buffy glanced at him, knowing he was working very hard to keep his vampire instincts out of this.   
  
Angel moved back against the shut door as Parker neared him. He heard Angel growl and kept his distance, but stared at the baby.   
  
"Da-da!" she cried, hugging Angel's shoulder and turning her head away from Parker.   
  
He rubbed her back gently. "It's okay, baby."   
  
 "Is this her?" Parker asked Buffy.   
  
She wouldn't even look at him, sick that she had actually touched him, actually kissed him at one time in her life. She was just thankful that the affair had resulted in the birth of Kayra. "This is my daughter with Angel." she reached out and touched the baby's hair, trying to calm her down. She was shaking from fear. "Give her to me," she said to Angel. Kayra willingly went to her mother, but kept her face buried in her shoulder, whimpering quietly.   
  
"So this is little Kayla." Parker said.   
  
"Her name is KAYRA!" Angel yelled. "Kayra Angeline Connelly."   
  
"I thought your last name was Summers," Parker gave Buffy a confused look.   
  
"It was," she said quietly. The baby was squirming so when Buffy switched the way she was holding her, Parker got a good look at Kayra.   
  
"She's adorable. You know Buffy, I never knew you had brown eyes."   
  
"If you had ever actually taken the time to study my appearance, you would know that I don't." A little bit of venom was coming out in her voice and she liked it.   
  
"They're hazel," Angel said. "My eyes are brown."   
  
"This isn't over," Parker told Buffy. "My father has money. Lots of it. We're gonna get a lawyer, and we're gonna take that baby from you and this bastard."   
  
Angel growled again, and Buffy said his name gently, reminding him the baby was still watching him.  
  
"You're not even worth it," he muttered.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Once they were safely inside the house and Kayra was down for a nap, Buffy cried in Angel's arms.   
  
"He can't really do anything, can he?" she asked. "He can't take the baby from us?"   
  
"No."   
  
"What about the laws? They give fathers who abandon their babies rights all the time."   
  
"We don't play by the rules, Buffy. You know that."   
  
She smiled at him. "You're right. Forgot about that for a second."   
  
"It's not always a good thing, but it's what we have to do to survive."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy made Angel and the baby come with her on patrol Monday night. She was freaked out not only by Parker's visit, but by Giles telling her he would probably get visitation rights from any judge and Joyce telling her that he had a right to visit his baby whenever he wanted to.   
  
When they got home, Parker was sitting in their living room. "Funny thing about this house," he said. "The windows are too high to reach by the ole' run and jump method. Luckily, there are lots of trees nearby."   
  
Buffy threw down her weapons bag. "Get out."   
  
"Not until you let me have my daughter."   
  
"Oh sure," Buffy took her from Angel and cuddled her sleeping frame. "I'm so sure. You ignore me for my entire pregnancy, wait until she's a year old, then you show up here and decide you're her father. Lemme tell you something Parker, parenthood is about a lot more than just genetics."   
  
"Look, you don't have to be such a bitch about it." he stood up. "I just thought it would be easier than getting the courts involved."   
  
That was the last straw. Angel grabbed Parker by the collar of his paisley shirt and lifted him into the air. Buffy beamed at the way he was defending both her and Kayra.   
  
"Listen you little shit," Angel slammed him into the wall. "*I* am the only father she will ever know. I'm man enough to be there for someone when they need me. But you....you are just a pathetic little turd who couldn't keep his high school hormones in check long enough to stop and think about someone else's feelings for five minutes. A *woman's* feelings no less." he slammed him into the wall again.   
  
"Chill out, man." Parker said with a wavering voice. "It was no big deal."   
  
Angel slammed him into the wall a third time and showed Parker his game face.   
  
"Oh God," he moaned, scared to death. .  
  
"I could kill you like that." he snapped two fingers on his free hand. "It would mean nothing to me and no one would miss you. The thing is, I'm too good for that." he threw him down. "Get the Hell out of my house, and so help me God, if you ever come near my wife or daughter again, I'll kill you."   
  
"And don't even think about going to the cops with this one," Buffy said. "You don't have any bruises, you're not bleeding, and our security cameras have you on video breaking into our house."   
  
Parker stood up, trying to straighten his wrinkled jeans. "This is not over."   
  
"Yes," Angel growled, exposing his fangs. "It is."   
  
Parker took off, only to be seized by a vampire looking for breakfast. The boy was dead in seconds. Spike wiped his mouth and smiled. "You owe me one, Sire." he commented before going off to look for the little Witch he was so obsessed with.   
  
  
*****   
  
"Push, Buffy!" Dr. Lincoln said firmly. "You did it once, you can do it again."   
  
She gripped Angel's hand tighter. "Yeah, that reminds me, you got me into this mess. Why don't you give birth?"   
  
"I wish I could sweetheart."   
  
"Come on Buffy," the doctor encouraged. "Just give me one more push and he'll be out."   
  
"You can do it Buffy," Angel told her.   
  
She squeezed her eyes tightly and pushed with all her might. She made a mental note not to get pregnant again, and that when she did, to make sure she got to the hospital in time to have the drugs. She hadn't wanted them with Kayra, and this time her labor had barely lasted two hours. By the time she'd arrived at Sunnydale General, the baby was crowning.   
  
"He's out!" Dr. Lincoln announced proudly. Buffy felt the tears slip down her face as David Giles cried out loudly for attention. They handed him to Buffy and she kissed his tiny forehead before looking up at her husband. "Are you happy?" she asked. "I know you wanted a son more than anything."   
  
"I wanted a healthy child, you know that." he kissed the top of her head. "But it will be nice to have someone to play N64 with."   
  
She shook her head. "You are as bad as Xander, you know that?"   
  
  
*****   
  
David had been born at two a.m., so Buffy had gone to sleep not long after, exhausted. Around nine, she found herself waking up. She opened her eyes and saw the nurse wheeling the baby's bed out of the room.   
  
"What's going on?" she asked.   
  
"We were just going to feed him." she explained.   
  
"I can do it," she sat up in bed. "I wanna do it."   
  
The nurse helped her balance a pillow underneath her arm and the baby, and then she left.   
  
"Hi David," Buffy whispered as he ate. "Welcome to Sunnydale. I'm so glad you're here. You were five whole days late, did you know that? Your big sister was early, so we thought you would be too, but apparently not all babies are alike."   
  
David pulled away from Buffy's breast and she carefully burped him. She laid him back on the pillow, holding him and lightly touching his little fingers and cheeks. "So how was your morning? Did you sleep good? I had a dream that you were all grown up already. Good thing you're not, I don't think I'm ready to send you off to college yet."   
  
He yawned and looked to be falling asleep.   
  
"Do you know where your daddy is?" she asked him. "He seems to have disappeared."    
  
"Mommy?" a little voice asked.   
  
Buffy looked at the doorway. Angel was standing there with a bundle of balloons in one hand, Kayra holding snugly onto the other.   
  
"Hi baby," Buffy said. "Come here, I want you to meet someone."   
  
Angel set the balloon strings under an alarm clock on the nightstand and lifted Kayra onto the bed. She laid out on her stomach, her hands resting under her chin.   
  
"Kayra, this is your baby brother David."   
  
"Can I touch him?"   
  
"Of course, but be gentle."   
  
Kayra slowly stuck her hand out and gently touched David's hand with one finger. She finally took his little fist in hers and leaned forward to kiss it. "He's nice, Mommy."   
  
"Yes, he is. You're not upset that you didn't get a little sister, did you?"   
  
"No. Mommy?"   
  
"Yes sweetheart?"   
  
"Can he play?"   
  
Angel laughed. "Not yet honey," Buffy answered. "He's not even a day old. He's probably pretty tired. Angel, would you put him in his bed?"   
  
He took the baby, kissing him before putting him in the tiny hospital bed.   
  
"You come home, Mommy?" Kayra asked. "Come home soon?"   
  
"Tomorrow, babydoll. I promise."   
  
"No, now." she stared to cry.   
  
"Come here," Buffy held her arms out and let Kayra hug her. Buffy kissed her hair gently. "You're a big girl Kayra, and I know you'll be really good for Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Giles while Mommy and Daddy are gone, right?"   
  
She sniffled. "Guesso." which meant "guess so".   
  
"Good girl." Buffy held her until she too fell asleep. She looked at Angel and sighed. "I didn't think she'd get so upset."   
  
"Joyce said she never went to sleep after we left. I think she was scared."   
  
"Well, there's nothing to be afraid of, we're fine."   
  
"Thank God. Buffy?"   
  
"I need to tell you something."   
  
"You sound serious."   
  
"It is."   
  
"I'm listening."   
  
"Remember when Kayra was just a baby and Parker showed up?"   
  
"I can never forget that," she shivered. "It was horrible."   
  
"Well, that night, Spike killed him."   
  
"Angel!" Buffy shouted. "You should've told me."   
  
"I know. I'm sorry."   
  
"Why? I'm not."   
  
"You're not?"   
  
"No! Not sorry he did it, I mean. I'm just sorry he waited so damned long. The guy had it coming nearly two years."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
//Well I just heard the news today   
  
It seems my life is going to change   
  
I closed my eyes, begin to pray   
  
Then tears of joy stream down my face   
  
With arms wide open   
  
Under the sunlight   
  
Welcome to this place   
  
I'll show you everything   
  
With arms wide open    
  
Well I don't know if I'm ready   
  
To be the man I have to be   
  
I'll take a breath, take her by my side  
  
We stand in awe, we've created life   
  
With arms wide open   
  
Under the sunlight   
  
Welcome to this place   
  
I'll show you everything   
  
With arms wide open   
  
Now everything has changed  
  
I'll show you love   
  
I'll show you everything   
  
With arms wide open   
  
If I had just one wish   
  
Only one demand   
  
I hope he's not like me   
  
I hope he understands   
  
That he can take this life   
  
And hold it by the hand   
  
And he can greet the world   
  
With arms wide open\\


End file.
